006 4 I still remember how hard I laughed the first time I saw the Real Ultimate Power website . For that reason , even if this book was supposed to be awful I would have considered purchasing it . I almost felt like I owed the author the money . Considering how much I liked the website I'm not certain if the book disappointed me because it wasn't that funny , or because I've been familiar with the material for so long that it lost its appeal . I saw a lot of reviews discussing the subtly hidden true plot about a confused kid having trouble fitting in . The plot is there , but I wouldn't call it subtle . The narrator might as well scream I am an alientated boy trying to escape reality on every page . At times this theme was so overpowering that the book started getting depressing . This said , if you ever found the website funny you'll enjoy at least some parts of this book . The author added plenty of new material . My favorite section was a part of the appendix documenting an essay the narrator wrote before and after he stopped taking Ritalin .
020 4 this is the greatest book that has ever been written by anyone . Even though he is only like 10 years old , Robert Hamburger is a God . Ninjas are totally friggen sweet and get me totally pumped . Pirates suck , and they should all die . Hippos are really cool , too . So is going around killing people and kicking them in the nuts so hard that they evaporate . I especially liked the side phone conversations the pre-pumps and the extra details and commentary written at the bottom . This is probably the funniest book ever written by anyone . Just reading this book has turned me into a ninja .
023 4 Though I never dabble in the world of sophmoric literary works , I found this title to be extraordinary . Not only does Robert Hamburger include philosphical explanations to his beliefs , but turned myself around . I plan to start the Institute for High Ninja Arts , where I plan to focus on teaching others how to ' flip out ' and be ' totally sweet . ' Not only will this book be mandatory for all of my students , but also as a final , they must either commit Seppuku with a Frisbee or write a thesis on ' flipping out ' and ' porking babes . ' Indeed this book was an inspiration and I hope it could help others define themselves . Bravo , Robert . Bravo .
037 4 This has been one of the most entertaining and complex reads I have had in a long time . I read the book in a day , but understanding the author and the meaning of the book could take a lifetime .
062 4 This book is about ninjas . This book was so good , it gave me aids . I think there are ninjas outside my house , if so , I'm done for .
067 4 RUP is hands down the sweetest Ninja tome . The one beef I had with the book was that there werent as many Pirate battles as I had hoped and as many as there are on the websites . THis struck me as strange since nothing would seem to make a Ninja flip out more than a bunch of pirates .
090 4 I read REAL Ultimate Power three times . I never do that with anything . It's awsome . This guy has to write a another one . The funniest thing is that I haven't learned a thing about ninjas . What's so official about that ?
099 4 . . . it's been quite some time since I've written you . I just wanted to send you a quick note to say I love you . I love your book . I deeply respect your concern for the spiritual safety , well-being , and maturation of NINJAS ! You provided me a free copy of your book , REAL Ultimate Power and it changed my life . At that time in my life , I had many financial struggles , and you showed me love and compassion by sending me that book at your expense . I am extremely thankful for the love you have shown me . Please keep up the good work and stay strong . Many people will try and oppose you because you teach such a frightening message . But I believe you will be rewarded for your faithfulness and unrelenting dedication to truth . This book is supposed to scare me because it is utterly and completely true . Did you know ? ' When a ninja has sex , it's not just a physical experience , it's also emotional and spiritual . ' That message gave me a much needed wake up call . . . and encouraged me to keep in mind the spiritual destiny of most people . This creates a burden within me to shut up and get a life . I have much to say to you . . . but realize you probably have more email than you could possibly read . . . so I end with this : KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ! I LOVE YOU AND NINJAS !
121 4 This book is very one-of-a-kind . I bought the book because that website was truly laugh-out-loud hilarious , and wanted to support whoever it was behind my hours of enjoyment . What I got was more laugh-out-loud hilarity , but also a fairly serious depiction of young boy with social problems . Although I know Robert Hamburger is a fictional character within his own work , whoever it is who actually wrote the book seems to have deep insights on the experience of a troubled childhood . The serve to make the rampant boner jokes less hilarious , more troubling , but still unforgetable . I especially like how he frenches his dog .
122 4 I love this book . . . but this is the only book that ever loved me back .
125 4 I recently saw the review of REAL Ultimate Power in STUFF magazine calling it the best ninja guide ever . I picked it up and it's the funniest thing I've ever read . I'm not a book person , but this one is like some kind of cosmic masterpiece . I hope Hamburger writes another because otherwise I don't think I'll read another book .
013 4 If you have the taste for heart-smooching novels disguised as clever parodies disguised as cultural commentaries disguised as post modern poopy humor disguised as ninja guides , the check is one out .
054 4 This book is awesome . If you don't buy it you're probably a fat idiot .
133 4 A books buy the guy who runs realultimatepower.net one of the funniest ninja sites out there . Just plain hilarious stuff . If you don't like it you probably suck .
029 4 My name is Mark and Robert learned everything he knows about ninjas from me . I never thought this book would sell so fast . Its sold over 3 zillion copies worldwide . When Robert told me he wrote a book I was like Oh is it a crappy book full of crap . And then this ninja jumped out of no where and stabbed me in the hand . I looked at my stabbed hand and a book was stabbed in it . Robert said that that was his ninja book that was hella sweet . I read it and this ninja came over and brought alot of babes for me to pork .
When I see Robert at school tomorrow I'm gonna tell him how cool and swell his book is . Everybody should flip out and read the book or else you suck and youre some old granny .
019 4 My name is Sensei Miku Wagenure and I have been studying the ancient art of Ninjutsu my entire life . It is rare for a book to come along to give such insight into our ancient ways . I would even say this book goes so far as to reveal secrets never before released by the ninja community , such as our battle cry and method for committing the act of seppuku . I would by lying if I said I wasn't somewhat disappointed that Hamburger-san has revealed some of our secrets , but I suppose now is the time for the public to learn of the ancient way .
I highly recommend all those interested in the life , psychology , and spirit of the ninja arts obtain a copy of this tome .
042 4 My name is jue kwe je master ninja of the 5th dragon clan and I must say that this book is by far the most accurate description on the ninja way i have ever come across . It is a true masterpiece . Several of the chapters sound as if they were written by ninja warriors of the past . The description , the art , the magic that is real ultimate power is unmatched in any other book . Please take my word as ninja master this is the only book you need !
( Go Cowboys ! )
046 4 I just got the book yesterday . Holy * * * * , this is a weird ass book . Funny as * * * * too . The humor is out there like an alien spaceship flipping around non-stop . I guess when somebody does something original some people are going to love it and others are going to hate it . Either way , this guy took a big chance and I commend him for it . My brother cried while laughing so hard . That's hard laughing .
I haven't read the whole realultimatepower.net website yet , so I can't compare them .
131 4 Ok , anyone who takes this book at face value is an idiot . It's meant to be FUNNY . My advice to potential buyers : visit the author's web page ( www.realultimatepower.net ) and see if you find it entertaining / totally sweet . If so , get the book ; if not , don't get huffy over a humour page that you don't understand .
136 4 One of the funniest books I've ever read . Had me laughing out loud like a fool during my commute . This book was AWESOME .
My only complaint about the book was the ending . In my opinion Mr . Hamburger blew it big time . He missed so many great possible opportunities for the ending . It made we want to flip out and chop the author's head off with my SWEET Ninja sword .
030 4 For those of you looking for a just chuckles book , this isn't for you . As with the last reviewer , this wasn't for her . The reason the book is so good is because it's so different from anything that's out there . It's a social commentary disguised as a tragic memoir disguised as a clever parody disguised as post modern poopy humor disguised as a guide to the ninja . Many will criticize the book because they don't understand it - - perhaps they are too stuck into the same old same old . Hmm , I don't understand this , so I don't like it . If you like simple easy going stuff , the book can give you that . But it's going to give you A LOT more . If you're willing to try to understand this penetrating work , you'll be rewarded with much more than a just chuckles book . I would teach this to my college English course , if they wouldn't kick me out for doing so !
038 4 This book is awesome . And by awesome , I mean totally sweet . It is best enjoyed while eating a bowl of spicy chili or in a fort ( or both ) . Real ninjas read this book all the time when they're not flying or stabbing . Are you ready to get pumped ? If yes , then buy the book . If no , then you are a little baby .
061 4 I am not religious but I do know God would let you sleep in church if you read this book , i mean it man . He would be like , I am God , and . . hey wait is that , that ninja book , i love that book more then my own , i got so psyched about it i kicked jesus in the face . and then he will grant you a sleep in church pass like he did for mel gibson since he made the passion . I just ordered mine yesterday and the local post office black listed my number since i called every 5 minutes to see if they got the book in , well i am out i think i am going to go watch my cousin swallow a tire or something .
074 4 Hey , it's not going to win any prizes , but it's a hilarious book . It'll remind you of the funniest of your drinking buddies - - you know , the guy who was just on the verge of knocking over everything on the table but still managed to crack everyone up with his expert assertions about wildly random topics . I bought the book for my boyfriend , and even though he usually tries to convince me he can't read so that I won't buy him books as gifts , this was one book he couldn't resist .
083 4 Forget the Bible . Forget Moby Dick . Forget even David Lee Roth's auto biography . This my friends , is the greatest book ever written . This book has real ultimate power , I'm not kidding . I read this book and it actually made me dumber , and I don't mean in the funny haha way , I mean it actually made me physically retarded . I live my life by this book now . It is an amazing piece of literature . Pick it up . You won't regret it .
086 4 Making people laugh continuously is a tough job , but this book does it triumphantly . Not only did I laugh , but I shook and cried with laughter . Somehow , this book is so well done , that it turns the ridiculous and the stupid into pure , crazy fun . I recommend it to anyone who wants to have a good time . Hamburger , you are da bomb !
087 4 It is the funniest collection of anything ever . I can't describe it any better . Read it , and wear a diaper . It's so sweet , it'll pump you up for years and years and into trillions of years from now .
088 4 Ok i haven't read the book yet but i already it is going to be the best book since the kama sutra . I am sure there is some hints on sex life in this book too or ninjas kicking ass but either way this is going to be the best book ever made .
100 4 Dude , like you haven't read this book yet ? This book is so sweet and chock full of Ninja goodness that I wanted to go out and Ninja-ize the next dude I saw . I'm like awed by Ninja power . I want to be a Ninja when I grow up just like my hero , Robert Hamburger . He's the coolest fighter because he knows everything about Ninjas . Why haven't you bought this totally rad and tubular book ? It's about Ninjas . I know , I read it . You haven't read it ? Are you like totally clueless ?
106 4 I found this book shortly after my arrival to Iraq for my first deployment . It was a great read and gave us reason to laugh every time we opened it . I ended up buying a copy for my brother when he deployed . . . he and I still draw quotes from this book today !
115 4 This book is so funny and so sad . It's about a misfit kid with ADHD who obsesses about ninjas to compensate for his miserable life . I think that this book is more honest and telling than Catcher in the Rye . It should be recommended reading in the public schools for kids in high school . This is really an amazing book that captures the suffering of childhood in a way that mixes hilarity with pathos . If you can't identify with this book , you didn't have a childhood . In short , this novel is brilliant . If I could give it six stars , I would .
144 4 This book is so funny and so sad . It's about a misfit kid with ADHD who obsesses about ninjas to compensate for his miserable life . I think that this book is more honest and telling than Catcher in the Rye . It should be recommended reading in the public schools for kids in high school . This is really an amazing book that captures the suffering of childhood in a way that mixes hilarity with pathos . If you can't identify with this book , you didn't have a childhood . In short , this novel is brilliant . If I could give it six stars , I would .
150 4 I don't even know what a ninja is , but I think this book was really great . It gave me a wonderful perspective on life and made want to rethink buying a new car . Thanks , Robert !
153 4 This book is so freaking funny . . . I am afraid I may end up cutting off some heads and kicking some dogs in ecitement !
032 4 i am not kidding when i say that . you can open to any single page in this book , and read any random passage and be brought to tears of laughter . i bought this book while in downtown philadelphia . i've been to the website about 2 years ago , and was familiar with the writing of robert hamburger . the book was on display on the front counter . . . the last copy . i didn't even know such a book was in existance . i purchased it immediately , and didn't even think twice about it . i've never had such a great time with a book . i bring it with me to read to my friends , and even to school to read during downtime . . . even though that's not a good idea because i usually end up with difficulty breathing because i laugh so hard . there is seriously no reason to not buy this book , unless you are a conservative christian woman who is a single mother of 3 kids . . . the type of person that has tried to sue mr . hamburger and ban his book around the country . buy this book , or forever hold your peace .
043 4 I've only read the first 3 pages of this book after being a visitor of the website and I've already crapped my pants with laughter .
In fact , my one friend came over and started FLIPPING OUT and throwing bowels and cereal around and I punched him in the nuts and we read this book .
It was sweet .
085 4 I'm reading the Official Ninja Book and now I'm ready to FLIP-OUT ! ! ! When I read about menopause I nearly crapped my pants ! I can't wait to be a real ninja so I can pop hundreds of boners and pork . I could use one on Britney . Only if she doesn't know how to menopause yet though . Since I'm on summer break I can watch the yoga shows on TV because the girls on the show are total babes . I can only pop one while the show is on but I'm sure I'll have more by the end of the book . If you don't like read this book you must be a ultimate idiot or your poor . If you are either someone should KICK YOUR PIRATE ASS ! !
PS Remember the facts
1 . Ninjas are MAMMALS
2 . Ninjas fight ALL the time .
3 . The purpose of a ninja is to flip-out and kill people .
Billy
035 4 When a book of this magnitude comes out one can only thank God for putting its author on earth during our lifetime . From the first page , this compelling piece of literary genious grabs you and doesn't relent . Ninjas clearly flip out ALL the time and to tackle such a senstive issue says so much about the author's character and inner most being . Every night i think to myself how much better life is because of this masterpiece . We can only hope a second volume is in the works . Get this so you can pass it on to your children and their children and their children so that every generation can be blessed ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
001 4 Ever have an obsession when you were a kid ? Something you loved so much that you couldn't stop talking about it to anyone and everyone ? Multiply that by 100 and you get Robert Hamburger , the fictional author / protagonist of the book . While the book is primarily made up of the same material that is posted on the website , the true point of the book is hidden in it's footnotes . Through conversations with his babysitter / co-writer , dog , parents and psychologist , we follow Robert's story and delve into the psyche of a pretty messed up little kid . What a lot of people dont seem to get is that the book , like the site , isn't actually about Ninjas . It's not REALLY a ninja hand guide , or a history lesson . The point isnt to educate , the point is to tell the story of a troubled kid who buries himself in a ninja fantasy in order to escape his negligant parents , over-critical teachers and to compensate for his lack of friends . As a kid we all had times when we wished we could run away to the circus , or could go live in outer space , or whatever , because we felt like we couldn't indentify with anyone . . this book is simply the story of a kid going through that kind of period in his life . And for everyone that claims that the website and the book may cause kids to flip out and kill each other , I believe that the book actually encourages the exact opposite . Robert is facsinated with killing and violence because it's what he wants to do to the people that have hurt him in his life , or he wants to find a ninja friend to do it . . . hell , we've seen children and young adults in this situation before a few years back , and we've seen the consequences of such pent up anger . This book is not an advocate of violence , but a warning as to what can happen when we try to force kids to abandon childish things , pump them full of medicine and discipline in order to make them grow up fast , rather than encourage them to be silly , dream and savor every momment of their childhood . I for one did not expect this level of complexity in this book , but I was totally floored after finishing it . Comedy , especially parody , has always been the best forum for social commentary , and this book masters it . If you hate the site , or if you don't get it , spend the $10 and read the book and I'm pretty sure you'll change your opinion . This book is genius : and by genius , I mean totally sweet .
031 4 a super rare sense of humour . it's a gem .
129 4 This is easily the best book ever . It's a crying shame that this book doesn't get more publicity .
134 4 This is the funniest book I've ever read in my life . Everyone , no matter what their level of interest in ninjas , should read this . Why aren't you buying it right now ? CLick , click you fools ! Order that book !
135 4 This book is great the way it's told . The Genius spotlight review hit my thoughts exactly . Many people might not get all the subtle hints in the text and footnotes that tell the real story of a boy . That would be a shame . But if you liked the website , you'll like the book either way .
140 4 if you like the website realultimatepower dot net , you'll love this book . It's the funniest book I've ever read .
060 4 I guess if you're a total idiot / moron with a brain the size of a potato chip , you might think the book is less than sweet . But then again , you probably think your hairy mom is sweet . So you are confused and dumb . The book STARTS where the website leaves off , and it tells the whole story of Robert Hamburger and his family , his babysitter , his dog Francine , his friend Mark , and lots more . So no thank you for being retarded , dummy .
104 4 Being a fan of for awhile , I immediatly bought this book . This book makes killing people look cool . Also , any fans of Maddox ( . . . ) , will adore this . I rate it TA for Totally Awesome . Before opening this book , however , Robert asks you , Are you ready to get pumped ?
120 4 Too funny ! Worth the price of admission for the ' term papers ' on Ben Franklin alone - makes you wonder , if its this much fun to read , how much fun was it to write ? !
078 4 This was the funniest book I ever read ! Those people that say it promotes violence and pagan crap and stuff are retarded . His description of ninjas is as true as it is to be taken seriously . If you think this is a serious book , you have no right to review this . IT'S A HUMOR BOOK FOR GOD'S SAKE ! ! ! Anyways , I love this book ! All my ninja friends think it's good too .
098 4 A friend of mine bought me this book , and forget blood , truly THIS is the greatest gift one human being could give another . Through the wisdom of Robert Hamburger , we can all find the courage to battle the pirates , and menopausal moms of life by discovering our own inner ' Ninja ' . By following his teachings , we can achieve the dream shared by every human being who has been , or is yet to be : TOTAL SWEETNESS . The potential is within us all , all we need do is embrace the Ninja within . ( wiping away a tear ) .
154 4 I LOVE THIS BOOK . While it is absurd , juvenile , ridiculous ( i.e . a great escape ) , it is also actually quite clever in the way it weaves its narrator's twisted adolescent life into the ninja nonsense .
080 4 Hamburger's ( professor Hamburger seems more appropriate ) manual / document / guide is the most informative , thought-provoking , piece of work on ninjas that the world has been waiting for ! It's about time somebody ditches that stealthy , silent malarky and just told the damn truth ! Numerous footnotes , glossery , appendix , maps , charts , tables , graphs , ninja crank calls , did you know ? tidbits , script treatments , even the kids last will and testimony is here for the devouring . A percentage of the above is sarcasam , but the truth is I am having a blast with book and it is a wonderous source of immature delightfullness . The footnotes are nothing more than various clip-its of nonsencical but charming conversations with his dog , mom , therapist and editor / babysitter John . John turns out to be the welcomed sole beacon of reason and logic and helps keep the sometimes overly enthusiasitc Hamburger at bay . It is perfect material to keep handy in the bathroom or even on the coffee table as a conversation piece . Clearly it is not something you want your kids to run across as it's outlandishness may not be appriciated by more impressional young readers . There is frequent mention of erections , hot chicks and . . . . . . . . I guess violence is the word . Overall it is a highly entertaining trip into the mind of disturbingly imagnigitive and absolutly hilarious 10 year old boy who really loves ninjas . Don't we all ? And how can you not love the name Hamburger ! ! ! !
022 4 The author of this book not only shares my exact sense of humor , he can take it to a level I couldn't even dream of . There was something on every page of this book that made me laugh out loud . While I see some other reviewers have mentioned the subtext of the book is serious , and sometimes rather depressing , the book is meant to make you laugh . The great part about this book is every sentence is punctuated with I crapped my pants or a piece of poop seeped out of my butthole or I popped a boner to where I think most couldn't help but let their immature side out . Although the book is much funnier than the famous [ . . . ] website by the same author , this book makes it more obviously a joke , whereas idiots were actually encouraged to believe the website . ( It's full of fake news articles ) The hate mail coming from know-it-all morons on that site must have filled the author with pure glee when he read them . The only bad thing about this book is that few of the site's hatemail was adapted to the book , which is basically the only thing the site has to offer that the book doesn't include .
068 4 The book is as good as the website ( and contains several of the classic pump up stories ) . It's almost impossible to read a line without laughing out loud . This guy is a comic genious .
072 4 This deep insight into the life of a troubled child is peppered with bits of odd humor that will keep you laughing .
096 4 Hamburger's ( professor Hamburger seems more appropriate ) manual / document / guide is the most informative , thought-provoking , piece of work on ninjas that the world has been waiting for ! It's about time somebody ditches that stealthy , silent malarky and just told the damn truth ! Numerous footnotes , glossery , appendix , maps , charts , tables , graphs , ninja crank calls , did you know ? tidbits , script treatments , even the kids last will and testimony is here for the devouring . A percentage of the above is sarcasam , but the truth is I am having a blast with book and it is a wonderous source of immature delightfullness . The footnotes are nothing more than various clip-its of nonsencical but charming conversations with his dog , mom , therapist and editor / babysitter John . John turns out to be the welcomed sole beacon of reason and logic and helps keep the sometimes overly enthusiasitc Hamburger at bay . It is perfect material to keep handy in the bathroom or even on the coffee table as a conversation piece . Clearly it is not something you want your kids to run across as it's outlandishness may not be appriciated by more impressional young readers . There is frequent mention of erections , hot chicks and . . . . . . . . I guess violence is the word . Overall it is a highly entertaining trip into the mind of disturbingly imagnigitive and absolutly hilarious 10 year old boy who really loves ninjas . Don't we all ? And how can you not love the name Hamburger ! ! ! !
101 4 This book is totally sweet ! It changed my life , and it will change your life too ! Buy at least a hundred copies right now so that all your friends , business associates , and fellow church members can flip out !
127 4 This book accomplishes exactly what it sets out to do . It's a hilarious parody . Highly recommended for anyone with a good sense of humor . Slightly raunchy though .
151 4 Margerie Evans and Carol Miller are complete fools and horrible mothers if they can't control their children ! This is a great book ! Finally a funny parody comes out and of course the Christian hardworking single housewives are against it because they don't know how to teach their children right from wrong ! Buy this book or at least read it ! Its HILARIOUS and will put a smile on your face !
084 4 I just want to say , it has been a long time since I laughed this hard at anything . All the hatemail and bad reviews show how stupid people are . ( one a_hole even threatened to go to the author's house and attack him ! ) I read hatemail on the website which manages to show every facet of human stupidity out there . This book is not only a comedic masterpiece , but is a fine dadaist look at the society in which we live . It directly attacks the violence of american culture head on by mocking it ! Ripping it apart ! Simultaneously chopping off the head of vigilante wackos , and conservative censurists . This book , and website is one of the finest examples of modern popculture I have ever seen . Plus it is really funny and cool . Another thing which amazes me is that I believe the author to be very young . What an accomplishment . I ordered a t shirt from the website also . ' Real ' Ninjas everywhere should be able to look at this and laugh and love it . Certainly I am sure they never taught you to attack young kids with great senses of humor in ' Ninja ' school . I think that may be what pees all the ' Real ' ninjas off , that they could be made fun of so easily .
004 4 I can't describe how amazingly funny this book is ! It's been a long time since I actually laughed out loud from reading a book . Several times while reading I had to put the book down because I got so pumped that I thought I was going to uppercut myself in the nuts !
I loved the website and this book follows in the same tradition with its insane , sick humor . I can't believe the people who bash this book for not teaching real ninjitsu ! How stupid can you be ? ! While reading those bad reviews all I could hear in my head were guitars wailing and I got so pumped that I almost threw myself down the stairs ! ! You guys need to get a life right now or else ; just picture yourself covered with ninja stars !
008 4 This is a humorous and suprisingly poignant book . It is like Catcher In The Rye for people who love ninjas . It is not for everyone but is a must read for males between 18 and 35 . Robert Hamburger has not only created a book and a website but an entire mythology including his own critics . His suposed hatemail beats his real critics to the punch by pointing out the absurdity of his claims . But it is the unwaivering belief of the authors protaganist that makes this book so good .
014 4 I bought this book to read on the crapper . Everytime I looked at it I popped 500 boners and was unable to pee efficiently . I don't always sit down to pee , but it is hard to read this book if I am standing up . You should only attempt to read this book in a boner friendly location . Places you would not want to read this book :
1 ) Church
2 ) While giving a speech or participating in a debate
3 ) A Daycare Center
4 ) Prison
I will gladly change my review to 5 stars if Mr . Hamburger places a Boner Warning sticker on the front cover . Otherwise , two thumbs up .
052 4 First of all the town of Mutton , SC does not exist . I checked the South Carolina state government website and it is not listed . Second , if you check the adress bars of the MSN News Stories Mr . Hamburger posts on his website , they are hosted on his own webspace . They are clearly NOT MSN articles , non of the links on these pages even work ! To call this book dangerous is idiotic . It was written to be funny ! How can anybody take stuff like this seriously ? It's not educational , It's hilarious !
053 4 This book is a manual about ninjas written from the perspective of a 10 year-old with ADHD and who is obsessed with Ninjas . It is full of information that is completely fabricated in the mind of the writer , but it managed to make me laugh constantly . His assertions are moronic , the visuals are ridiculous , and the jargon is so totally sweet that it makes me want to flip out and go nuts . Don't read this if you have no sense of humor , or if Ninjutsu is a sensitive subject . Overall , this book will make you stupider , but it is really entertaining .
056 4 monsieur hamburger , i have been following your work for a few years now and must say that you are the creator of something truely magnificent . i hope you get rich , your style is ninja style and we all know it . i have laughed so many times at the random sorts of things that you can come up with . A true inspiration . Ninjas 10 stupid people who take things seriously 0
093 4 Mr . Hamburger , your legion of Ninja have spoken ! We love the book and your awesome website ! Your word is the Ninja Gospel ! Seriously , this is the funniest thing I've ever read . Your book deal is well-deserved . Don't let the authors of the negative reviews and the hate mail get you down , their brains are upside down and their diapers are full . I have one question , when will the Hamburger Ninja Dojo open up ?
094 4 This book is quite possibly one of the funniest I have read . I never knew ninjas were so kickass ! This book is a riot and hard to put down , but only for those with a sense of humor . Douchebags that think they are ninjas should not read this .
102 4 But after reading the book I've been flipping out all over town . This is great reading . I've always had a desire to learn more about Ninja's and this book does just that . You will however , need a good sense of humor . Enjoy it for what it is .
114 4 yo what's up i am a ninety year old lamer with like the wrinkliest balls in history and i want to tell everyone to stay away from this book because it made my son too awesome and now he spends all day flipping out and porking all the hottest babes . lotsa kids at school used to mess with him but those kids don't even have heads anymore ( my son chopped them off using supposed ninja powers ) . the cops can't even arrest him because he also can be invisible using his bio-slime . in conclusion , if you even just HANG OUT with this book you may become a ninja or at least develop bio-slime . ok i have to go now and pork my 500 year old wife EWWWWWWW
119 4 Hey you should buy this book and then read it a gazillion times . Why ? You ask a very obvious question and the answer is simple : ninjas are sweet , and by sweet I mean totally awesome .
130 4 This books is great . Don't listen to all those idiots who give it only 1 star . It is not a manual to become a real ninja , as people with 0 intelligence would want to believe . And also , if it was , real Ninjas would appreciate it , because they spread confusion and misinformation . They actually wanted people to beleive they could fly , turn invisible , and were seven feet tall . So before you bash the book because it insults real ninjas , maybe you should actually know something about them . Hypocrites .
Other than that , Ninjas are mammals , they fight all the time , and their purpose is to flip out and kill people .
146 4 This book could have only been written by a complete madman or a complete genius , the complete randomness of the book is astounding . How anyone could find so many insane things to say in a 190 page book is beyond me . It is a work of fiction , don't buy this book and intend on taking it seriously unless you really think Ninja means ' me crapping me pantalons ' in Canadian . Anyone with a really twisted sense of humor should definently pick this one up .
116 4 If you've ever wanted to go out there and study martial arts so you too can become a true killing machine and take on aliens and pirates and maybe , if you're really feeling your Wheaties , your mom , this is the book for you .
It's all about Ninjas and how sweet they are and all the cool things they can do . What more do you need to know ?
Laugh out loud until you pee in your pants funny , I literally was rolling with laughter in my seat on my last airline flight . I'm lucky the air marshals didn't feel threatened by me . The misadventures of Robert Hamburger , whoever he is , are hilarious and maybe just a little bit sad . The poor little guy has really no one to talk to and has to live his life in the obsessive world of ninjas .
But , for all of that , it's damn funny . We adults who have passed that awkward part of our childhood and broken through to the other side can relate .
Now go out there and start training . Robert is probably already well into his yoga by now , honed with his Tekken skills , so you'll have some catching up to do .
Sweet !
010 4 This book was not at all what I had expected . Of course , I expected total sweetness . And ass-beatings . And the chopping of heads .
What I didn't expect was a heartbreaking novel about a disturbed child's fall from innocence . This book has it all - abusive parents , child sex offenders , and like a trillion billion boners . The story of the novel is told entirely through footnotes from Robert's parents , teachers , his babysitter , and his psychologist , as well as a number of other guest stars .
Be prepared for total sweetness , but be prepared for complete and utter heartbreak as well .
You might think I'm joking , but guess what - I'll bite your face off .
012 4 Fans of RUP already knew this book would be total sweetness . Sometimes I'm not sure what's funnier . The RUP site / book or these friggin ' retards who take RUP seriously and fear that people will flip out and talk to hippos or stab someones feet off . You people are jackasses x 34690860 .
This book contains everything from the site plus a WHOLE lot more . This is the funniest book I have ever read and I laughed out loud through every page . I really hope that there is a follow up .
If you have been living in a cave chalk full of hippos for the last 6 years and have no idea what RUP is , you should check out the site for starters at www.realultimatepower.net . If you dig it as much as the rest of the world show your support by getting a t-shirt or something .
Long live RUP ! ( and down with the single mother of 3 )
024 4 First , to all you too-sensitive types crapping about how this book or the website are * not * on how to be a real ninja or about how much it defaces the Ninjacular arts , shut it . Heaven forbid someone creates an amusing parody of anything . And if you're still all wringing your hands because you think this book or the website will make your kid flip out and stab his 4 month old baby sister in the eye with a stapler , how about exerting a little parental / testicular fortitude and not let him read them in the first place . What the hell does 9 / 11 have to do with this ?
That said , awesome book . Pick it up , read it , enjoy it . If you're broke , flip out , throw your grandmother down the stairs , steal her purse , and buy it . While you're waiting , be sure to pick up a ninja sword and some stars from your local convenience store .
025 4 I bought your book , I read it through and through , I got so pumped I bit some old lady on the face ! Your book is so awesome , I burnt all of the books in my public library and left your book on the smoldering ashes ! I'll never look at a ninja the same way ever again . During the course of your book , at the part with the hippos that weren't actually nice , I popped a 3 - foot boner ! ! ! I know its nothing compared to a ninja , but I'm trying .
But seriously , you book is great , and the side story at the bottom of the pages really got me thinking . I love your site , and everyone who doesnt love it should commit seppuku immediately .
Your Fan -
Ty McCowin
028 4 Dudes , I read this book because I LOVE the Hamburger Man ! I mean , I am a total lesbo , but if I had to be straight , I would be all about Robert Hamburger , so that is why I read this book . In fact , when I read it , it was so good even - I - popped a 10 foot boner , and I'm like a chick ! So then I ran out and porked as many babes as I possibly could , all thanks to this AWESOME book ! Thank you Robert Hamburger ! You made my lifelong dream come true !
PS : Anyone who does not like this book is a stupid laser shooting pirate , and they deserve to have their fingers bitten off by rabid dogs and then have their heads topped off with the rabid dogs ' poo . And if you think that this review sucks , then you are a hopeless pirate loser and probably would not appreciate this genius book anyway , so don't bother buying it .
044 4 This is the greatest work in any language or of any time period . Robert Hamburger has reached a point of literary perfection that has never been touched before . This book was like masturbating for three hours . I was in between reading Hadji Murad by Tolstoy , and Notes From Underground by Dostoevsky when I picked up Hamburger's opus . Needless to say that those other two books were subjected to urination , and then promptly threw into the back seat of some guy's car .
Take one glance at this book , and you will wet dream till the cows come home . The world has a new God on its hands , and his name is Robert Hamburger .
051 4 I got ten copies of this book for cheap Christmas presents for friends ; we've all seen the website and nearly peed ourselves laughing at its absurd hilarity . I got the book expecting a literal copy of the website , a coffeetable book visitors could laugh at . However , when I started reading through the book , I saw my favorite pages , but while I read I noticed a much darker undertone , one that tells a story of a boy for whom ninjas are an escapist fantasy where he can run away from his horrible home life , his lack of friends and generally his alienation from the world , where he is a ninja and his hyperactive tendencies become not irritating and unmanageable , but totally sweet .
While the website is all about Robert's view of ninjas , this book is most definitely not about ninjas . And when you finish it , you'll find yourself surprised by how moving it truly is .
055 4 I loved this book . It was nonstop hilarious , and it was the most entertaining book that I've read in a long time . Read it read it read if you at all thought the website was funny . ( thats realultimatepower.net if youre wondering . ) and then you might actually get what all the reviews mean . 5 out of 5 ! buy it . or I'll have to lend it to you . Hard .
058 4 Not only is this book ridiculously funny , but it's surprisingly deep . A kid who's parents are abusive and negligant and peers who ignore and ridicule him struggles to maintain his sanity and find something or someone who will give back to him , to love him . He manages to find the Ninja , and through a hilarious instructory book on ninjutsu footnoted by conversations with people in his life , we see the breakdown of Robert Hamburger , and we discover how important it is to show even the wierdest kids need someone to love them .
Serioiusly , the last few pages of the book will make you want to cry .
071 4 Warning : This book has nothing to do with real ninjas .
If you can't take a joke , this book ain't for you . If your a woman , this might be for you but might find some things offensive . This book has absolutely nothing to with ninjas but it is hilarious . It is a book that feels like it has been written by a 13 year old boy with his babysitter as his editor . Just by looking at the name , Robert Hamburger , and the fake reviews , this book is one of the best toilet readers I've had since The Alphabet of Manliness
075 4 When I saw this book on the bookshelf I knew that I had to buy it . I am horribly glad I did . I also have to say that any martial artist who hates this man because of his writing obviously does not know the final goal of martial arts training .
Robert , You are one of the funniest people I know !
077 4 This book is friggin ' incredible . Anyone who doesn't like it is a stupid idiot . When I read the first page I got so pumped that I head butted my cat so hard and we both screamed and popped huge boners . This is not for the weak stomach , so if your mommy or baby sitter is around be careful , cause they have level nine spanking power .
Robert Hamburger is my hero .
091 4 Some people might not & #8220 ; get it & #8221 ; and that & #8217 ; s ok . But if you are a kindred spirit I can personally guarantee that you will laugh your freakin & #8217 ; butt off . This book is every bit as funny as the website ( and then some ) . Relax and surrender yourself to the fantasy world of Robert Hamburger or you & #8217 ; ll never make it . If anything just enjoy the subtle , yet genius use of language . You know , it & #8217 ; s not easy making something supremely funny out of extreme stupidity , but if you can , your name must be Hamburger .
103 4 This book is entertaining to the same part of you that laughs at people when they fall down , etc . . . It's silly humor , nothing more . So enjoy it for what it is and don't take it too literally .
I thought the book was hilarious , personally . It's something you have to be in a certain mood to read : The mood to laugh at something so ridiculous that it's funny .
Funny idea for a book . I'm actually impressed that Mr . Hamburger was able to fill so many pages with nonsensical information about ninjas . Definitely an entertaining read , though .
112 4 Wow is all I can say . There are those who actually take this seriously as a handbook for learning ninjutsu or whatever . There are those who actually believe the fake news posts on this kid's website . You are idiots .
This is just a goofy kid writing about a hilarious concept . He has taken something completely serious and debased it , yes , but who really cares ? Anyone who takes this seriously enough to think he is learning anything from this book is just insanely moronic . It's made to be funny . Deal with it .
Also , any news excerpts that he prints on his website are obviously fake . Any respectable news source ( especially from an international conglomerate corporation such as microsoft ) would not print an article with typos in it . The quotes are also obviously fabricated .
The point is , this book is hilarious , and I feel sorry for you if you think it damages the ninjutsu arts .
113 4 This is the most hilarious book I have ever seen in my life . It connects with every boys memory of what its like to be an adolescent obsessed with things like ninjas and dinosaurs . This is a book written by Robert Hamburger , a highly troubled , yet mentally advanced nine-year old boy . ( One of the other review writers claimed that this book sounded like it was written by a twelve-year old . I'm sure that Robert is very pleased . ) The most hilarious pieces of this book lie in its subtle nuances such as extreme hyperbola and small arguements with his mother and father . Statements such as Ninjas have to walk up ladders backwards because their raging boners get in the way and arguements such as how would you feel if I came to your school topless or ovulated in your lunch bag ? - Robert's mother are the pinacle of hilarity . If you do not find this book funny then you need to take a chill out and stop thinking of yourself as so smart . Think like a childish kid for ten seconds . Jeez .
132 4 I'm Robert's lover Michael and I can't get enough of this book ! It's too too funny and all the things in it are hysterical ! The editors took out a lot of the steamier parts with myself and Robert but that's okay they'll probably be in the next book that we already have in progress so don't fret , fellow ninjas , soon you'll have even more reasons to flip out and kill people ! Take care !
- Michael
149 4 I know Robert Hamburger doesn't exist !
But's he doesn't go to some martial arts school . I actually know someone who was the guy's neighbor . According to my source , the guy known as Robert Hamburger was some kind of farmer in middle California and got a computer from his sister because it was so boring out there . Needless to say , the guy went nuts . He's still a farmer . I'm about 90% sure of this .
That aside , I read the book . Funniest book thing I read in a couple years . It's ten bucks . I recommend it to anyone who wants to wet their pants laughing .
145 4 . . . And so I did , and every word was like the awesomest guitar wailing and shaking the WHOLE universe . Every pirate on earth must be so scared that their pee or poop leaks out , because now everyone will know how awesome ninjas really are . One time , I fell asleep reading THE REAL ULTIMATE POWER , and woke up and there was a ninja on my ceiling , upside down , with claws . He was going to kill me just for glimpsing him , but he could tell I was so pumped and a little bit scared , so he winked , then popped a boner through the wall and dissappeared . The next morning , I flipped out and almost killed my rat with ONE FINGER ! Then , I popped massive boner while eating my cereal . So buy the book and give it to everybody as gifts .
097 4 This is a great book . Pure and simple . The stuff that Robert comes up with made me laugh so hard it actually hurt . The illustrations are well done too , just adding to how funny it is . This book covers it all , from the different styles of fighting , to their weapons . If you read this book , you WILL get PUMPED ! I got so pumped , I HEADBUTTED MY DOOR OFF OF IT'S HINGES ! ! ! All of those who gave it one star must be pirates , all in fear of the ninja ! This book will give you REAL ULTIMATE POWER ! ! ! Give it a read .
109 4 I popped a million huge black boners just from looking at the cover . I m going to totally buy this book and not even think twice about it . Also , I've been studying ninjitsu since I was a little kid , but this book still taught me new things like how to get TOTALLY PUMPED . I warn you that all this knowledge is dangerous and that you shouldn't buy this book if you are an idiot and / or a moron because you may just explode from the awesomeness .
156 4 You are a very stupid person .
When I first found the RUP site , I had sore abs the next 2 days from LMAO . I applaud Robert for this fine effort .
The official Ninja Book , Hamburger delves deeply into an alternate reality that is commonly hidden from the view of man kind .
Throughout our lives we are constantly preoccupied with what we deem to be important and proper so that we can live with meaning and happyness . What the psyche often forgets is how sweet ninjas are . Hamburger develops this novel ( it is more like a study of mankind ) carefully , and intricately weaves his words and thoughts in accordance to the highest forms of spiritual law and mental awareness . This precise attention to the details of the subconscience , the super ego , the fundamental lament of the hippo , and its quintesential parter the Ninja , is totally sweet in this book , and by totally sweet I mean like the 3rd level of conciousness augmented to a minor third by Charlie Parker in some old club where the one guy in the audience flips out hard and projectile vomits on his mom .
This book not only is somthing that we should read everyday , we should read this to babies in the womb as well as to the people who are so close to passing in nursing homes that they can only eat through a tube and breath heavily . Since this book teaches us all how we can truely live a full and spiritually perfect life while accomplishing what we need on the physical plane of life , I will not be surprised if this book will promt the starting of a large religious following .
Like books such as the Bible , the Koran , and The oddesy , this book is one that will truely change the history of mankind and the world . Its great power is difficult to comprehend in the very limited understanding of the miniscule human brain , but overhead and all through us the voices of the angels and spiritual beings can be heard praising through sacred murmers and rich warm tones the glory and power that this book truely is .
So let us not delay in beholding this book and the prophet , Robert Hamburger who has graced us with these words of infinite wisdom and love .
Not only will I personally read this book everyday in my life , I will read it to the world . I will read it to the starving in ethiopia so that they may have food , I will read it to the cocain addicts on the streets of L.A . so that they may throw off the clutches of evil addiction , I will read it to the rich man who hast been possesed and ravaged by the unholy notion of greed .
This book shall be read to all upon their arrival to heaven !
002 4 I bought this book after reading the hilarious Real Ultimate Power website , and I expected to find an extension of the humourous made-up encyclopedia of ninja knowledge .
Indeed , the book does contain most of the website's content , and a wealth of new ninja-based content . However , there is a far deeper and darker story going on between the lines that gives the reader much more than they bargained for .
This is the story of an unhappy child . Nobody understands him , and he understands nobody . Feeling neglected by his disfunctional parents and shunned by his peers , Robert both hides and expresses himself within his own fantasy world . Ninjas are like his imaginary friends , his heroes , and his outlet for revenge fantasies .
As Robert descends further into his world , real life events are distorted and exaggerated , and eventually Robert comes to the conclusion that there is only one way out .
It is a surprisingly dark and serious book , but definitely with some hilarious moments , usually coming from Robert's unique way of describing and relating to characters and events . If you buy it looking for more of the insane ninja-related ramblings of the website , you won't be disappointed - but this book doesn't let you get away with just laughing at Robert's craziness .
Prepare to be taken down the slippery slope as Robert's grip on his life is eroded . There are moments where your laughter is stopped short when you realise what Robert is getting at , and the realisation that this isn't going to end well is a powerful one .
All in all , this is destined to be a cult classic . It might not get through to everyone , and it is doomed to be misunderstood by people who take it at face value , much the same as the website . This author has a lot of tricks up his sleeve , and not all of them will leave you feeling comfortable .
Darker than either The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 1 / 4 or The Catcher In The Rye , this book is a unique and deeply affecting insight into a disturbed young mind .
005 4 This review is from :
REAL Ultimate Power : The Official Ninja Book ( Paperback )
I still remember how hard I laughed the first time I saw the Real Ultimate Power website . For that reason , even if this book was supposed to be awful I would have considered purchasing it . I almost felt like I owed the author the money . Considering how much I liked the website I'm not certain if the book disappointed me because it wasn't that funny , or because I've been familiar with the material for so long that it lost its appeal . I saw a lot of reviews discussing the subtly hidden true plot about a confused kid having trouble fitting in . The plot is there , but I wouldn't call it subtle . The narrator might as well scream I am an alientated boy trying to escape reality on every page . At times this theme was so overpowering that the book started getting depressing . This said , if you ever found the website funny you'll enjoy at least some parts of this book . The author added plenty of new material . My favorite section was a part of the appendix documenting an essay the narrator wrote before and after he stopped taking Ritalin .
007 4 I bought this book after reading the hilarious Real Ultimate Power website , and I expected to find an extension of the humourous made-up encyclopedia of ninja knowledge .
Indeed , the book does contain most of the website's content , and a wealth of new ninja-based content . However , there is a far deeper and darker story going on between the lines that gives the reader much more than they bargained for .
This is the story of an unhappy child . Nobody understands him , and he understands nobody . Feeling neglected by his disfunctional parents and shunned by his peers , Robert both hides and expresses himself within his own fantasy world . Ninjas are like his imaginary friends , his heroes , and his outlet for revenge fantasies .
As Robert descends further into his world , real life events are distorted and exaggerated , and eventually Robert comes to the conclusion that there is only one way out .
It is a surprisingly dark and serious book , but definitely with some hilarious moments , usually coming from Robert's unique way of describing and relating to characters and events . If you buy it looking for more of the insane ninja-related ramblings of the website , you won't be disappointed - but this book doesn't let you get away with just laughing at Robert's craziness .
Prepare to be taken down the slippery slope as Robert's grip on his life is eroded . There are moments where your laughter is stopped short when you realise what Robert is getting at , and the realisation that this isn't going to end well is a powerful one .
All in all , this is destined to be a cult classic . It might not get through to everyone , and it is doomed to be misunderstood by people who take it at face value , much the same as the website . This author has a lot of tricks up his sleeve , and not all of them will leave you feeling comfortable .
Darker than either The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 1 / 4 or The Catcher In The Rye , this book is a unique and deeply affecting insight into a disturbed young mind .
009 4 First of all , the realultimatepower website is hilarious . I was expecting the book to be similar to the site . At first glance it is .
Then you start reading the footnotes .
This isn't a book about ninjas at all . This is the story of an outsider kid no one likes . A kid whose parents see him as an accident that got in the way of their lives . A kid who wants to just connect with someone so badly that he sees his dog as what a mom should be , but furrier . A kid who fantasizes about being kidnapped by a stranger and taken away from everything that hurts him .
I could not put this book down and I literally read it cover-to-cover nonstop . The book continues to get less and less hilarious the further you get as more and more of the true story comes out .
I didn't expect it , but Real Ultimate Power is one great book .
011 4 Real Ultimate Power is totally sweet . Not only does it inspire fools to complain , but it inspires fools to complain about complaining . Some people haven't figured that out yet . Point at them and laugh , it's part of the grand tapestry of humor that Robert Hamburger has given us . Thank you , Robert Hamburger . Thank you .
And you other morons better stop frigg'n talking crap or you know what's going to happen to you . Ninjas know yoga and they'll stretch you out crazy because karate is for little babies . You're either in on the joke or you're a frigg'n sack of crap . And you probably like pirates .
015 4 Ok , this one time , I was forced to goto the local shopping mall with my mom . And this lady was coming out of Old Navy , and she had a shirt on that said Old Navy , and she forced all of her children ( who looked void of life ) to where Old Navy shirts as well , and they were not even payed a cent by Old Navy to advertise there store for them , infact they charged them for the shirts ! What's worse is they payed some indonesian kid like 5 cents a week to make the damn thing , all the while charging this mother $5.00 a pop for to where . . .
. . . which was payed for with the kid's colledge funds . . .
Anyhow , out of no where , this ninja who was standing across the street from the mall parking lot ( because we all know ninjas go no where near shopping centers ) , popped a HUGE boner , at least 300 yards , uper cutted the store manager of old Navy , then went on to decapitate the mother with it , as well as the children , because deep inside they were secretly fond of Old Navy and wore there shirts proudly !
What ever you do , don't piss off a ninja , it's just plain stupid !
016 4 In Robert Hamburger's freshman novel - Real Ultimate Power : The official Ninja Book , Hamburger delves deeply into an alternate reality that is commonly hidden from the view of man kind .
Throughout our lives we are constantly preoccupied with what we deem to be important and proper so that we can live with meaning and happyness . What the psyche often forgets is how sweet ninjas are . Hamburger develops this novel ( it is more like a study of mankind ) carefully , and intricately weaves his words and thoughts in accordance to the highest forms of spiritual law and mental awareness . This precise attention to the details of the subconscience , the super ego , the fundamental lament of the hippo , and its quintesential parter the Ninja , is totally sweet in this book , and by totally sweet I mean like the 3rd level of conciousness augmented to a minor third by Charlie Parker in some old club where the one guy in the audience flips out hard and projectile vomits on his mom .
This book not only is somthing that we should read everyday , we should read this to babies in the womb as well as to the people who are so close to passing in nursing homes that they can only eat through a tube and breath heavily . Since this book teaches us all how we can truely live a full and spiritually perfect life while accomplishing what we need on the physical plane of life , I will not be surprised if this book will promt the starting of a large religious following .
Like books such as the Bible , the Koran , and The oddesy , this book is one that will truely change the history of mankind and the world . Its great power is difficult to comprehend in the very limited understanding of the miniscule human brain , but overhead and all through us the voices of the angels and spiritual beings can be heard praising through sacred murmers and rich warm tones the glory and power that this book truely is .
So let us not delay in beholding this book and the prophet , Robert Hamburger who has graced us with these words of infinite wisdom and love .
Not only will I personally read this book everyday in my life , I will read it to the world . I will read it to the starving in ethiopia so that they may have food , I will read it to the cocain addicts on the streets of L.A . so that they may throw off the clutches of evil addiction , I will read it to the rich man who hast been possesed and ravaged by the unholy notion of greed .
This book shall be read to all upon their arrival to heaven !
017 4 This book is written on so many levels that it's hard to describe . While on the surface , it is pretty much an extended version of the website , we realize that as the book progresses , many of the ninja stories , lessons , and guides are actually autobiographical accounts of Robert's life .
This book is written as the journal of a 11 year old boy , who has been subjected to physical , emotional , and perhaps sexual abuse ( babysitter ) . Robert clearly has issues expressing himself , and has developed an unhealthy obsession with ninjas . In his writings , we find ourselfs entertained by his use of syntax , word choice , and crazy descriptions , but are also conserned as a teacher or counselor would be if they were to actually read what is being written .
With Robert clearly considering taking his own life , as a reader you almost want to find him and stop him from what his writing is aluding to .
Is the book funny ? Absolutely , you can definatly flip to any section and read it aloud to your friends for a good laugh , but if read in its entirity , you piece together the story of Robert's life . His abusive and neglectful parents , taunting from his friends who he often describes as traders and that they abondoned him .
Upon reading it , you have to remember that ninja's aren't real . Usually when Robert is talking about something a ninja did , it's really something he did , or at least personally thought about .
A good buy , a quick easy read , and funny / depressing .
026 4 this guy knows his ninjas . who else has the time to sit in the familyroom watching every ninja movie known to man ? from eating a frisbee to commit sepukku , to smearing pap , this guy knows his ninjas .
Robert Hamburger is the Real Ultimate Ninja Expert .
027 4 When I first came upon the website for realultimatepower , I was tickled pink by the excessive , jubilant and arbitrariness of the humor . I would many times throughout my work month visit the site for some comic relief .
The book however , stands in stark contrast to the website and I would categorize it much more under dark humor , than under the silly humor i previously perceived on the website .
The book is essentially a psychoanalytical document of a young , troubled child . The subject of the book uses ninjas as a sublimitory cover for the great deal of stress in his life including parents and teachers who do not know how to offer this child emotional support and dealing with the fact of having few friends and a compounding sense of isolation and loneliness .
I didn't sign up for this when I bought the book , but I certainly can appreciate the intelligence of the humor even if it did spoil my appreciation of the website .
033 4 If you love the kind of humor on the site , you'll enjoy the book , too . The author has done much more than you give him credit for , especially the controversy ; - )
And for those real folks out there who think this is disgraceful , did you hassle Eastman and Laird this much because of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ? It's fun to read , and awesome to appreciate the background work Robert has done for this . GG .
036 4 This little book is truly extraordinary in the literal meaning of the word : it is really something that is uncommon and different from what we are used to see these days .
Amazingly , since it was written by a kid ( or , maybe , for this very exact reason ) , it can be read on several different levels , many of whom not even the author was probably aware of .
As such , it is very difficult to write an objective , serious and useful review since the final rating / judgment will vary greatly according to what you are expecting to find in it .
If you want to read it as a martial arts manual . . . . . well , there is not much to say , you should look somewhere else ( let me tell a personal anecdote : a few months ago I went in a large bookstore with a famous kung fu master and he picked up this book . I'll never forget his totally puzzled face after 30 seconds of reading it and trying to understand what kind of book this was ! ) .
This book is about the fun and dramatic experiences and daily life of troubled kid : you can get great fun out of it and laugh loud , but there is also a lot of food for thought , if you want to look for it , and , in fact , I believe this book could even be used at academic level for having a unique insight on kids ' psychology ( surely even Freud would have been very pumped by reading this ! ) which could be very useful for writing a master thesis on the subject !
Can it be harmful to young and lonely kids ? The answer is yes , nonetheless , 90% of what makes the society we are living in is potentially dangerous too so if something happens , the blame should probably go to the adults who are responsible for them and not to another kid who simply tried to express his troubled world in his own words .
In summary :
If you are a teenager looking for some silly fun . . . . good ! Get this book : you will laugh out loud !
If you are a college student majoring in psychology . . . . Great ! Get this book : you'll find plenty of unique insights on a kid's mind !
If you are a lonely kid who is fascinated by the ancient art of Ninjutsu . . . . . Wonderful ! Find a proper martial arts school and start training hard !
040 4 Mr . Hamburger is a genius . Real Ultimate Power : The Official Ninja Book is the funniest thing that I have ever read . Don't be fooled either : this book is deeper than meets the eye , as we see a kid who wants to express himself behind all the ninjas and hippos and awesome stuff . So definitely check it out OR else I'll beat your ass .
Thank you Hamburger-san .
048 4 If you flip to any page in this book and start reading , you and your friends will be doubled over with laughter . This is modern humor at its finest . Make sure you don't read too much at a time though , it might make other books seem rather bad .
To anyone who picked up a book called Real Ultimate Power thinking they'd learn about the ways of actual ninjas , well , you got what you deserved . . .
. . . A BOOK ABOUT REAL NINJAS ! ! ! ! ! 1
050 4 This book was exquisite . This book's encyclopedia of information suprasses that of any almanac , atlas , or religious script . This book was so powerful that I immediately burned 8 bibles just after seeing it ; it also convinced me to totally flip out and kill some spiders in my basement . Contrary to the few simpletons who disliked this powerful work , I believe that this is on par with the word of god . Logistically , I believe that any give Ninja could easilly pwn God , Jesus , or Ann Coulter .
This book got me so pumped up that I kicked my mother in the face just for giving me a muffin .
057 4 Ok , anyone who takes this book at face value is an idiot . It's meant to be FUNNY . My advice to potential buyers : visit the author's web page ( www.realultimatepower.net ) and see if you find it entertaining / totally sweet . If so , get the book ; if not , don't get huffy over a humour page that you don't understand .
I personally will not recommend this book because I have mixed feelings on the current pirate / ninja blood feud . Yarr !
066 4 4.5 stars would have been more appropriate . Anyway , Robert Hamburger is telling everyone to be true to themselves . Don't follow the in-crowd , don't do what everyone else does , don't watch MTV all day long and worship the people being portrayed in it . This book is a testament to what a person who really follows what he believes can achieve . Robert tells stories about his porking , ninjas , familial problems , but the main focus is to realize that one must follow his / her dreams , despite the obstacles . Real Ultimate Power is a book about just that .
Doesn't anyone understand how genius and brave this book actually is ? Most negative reviews stem from individuals who have been subjected to a sheltered and close-minded life . They have not explored different life options , but only accepted the ones given to them . They have never questioned or examined their authority figures . That's no way to live .
This book is not only entertaining ( and by entertaining , I mean totally sweet ) , but also serves as guide to life .
073 4 This review is from :
REAL Ultimate Power : The Official Ninja Book ( Paperback )
Hey , it's not going to win any prizes , but it's a hilarious book . It'll remind you of the funniest of your drinking buddies - - you know , the guy who was just on the verge of knocking over everything on the table but still managed to crack everyone up with his expert assertions about wildly random topics . I bought the book for my boyfriend , and even though he usually tries to convince me he can't read so that I won't buy him books as gifts , this was one book he couldn't resist .
081 4 This review is from :
REAL Ultimate Power : The Official Ninja Book ( Paperback )
Some people read this book and / or the reviews and think this book is a joke , but it's not . I dated a Japanese girl for 2 years and even went to Japan , and I own a Samuri sword and I KNOW this is the real stuff . Nothing could better prepare you for fighting pirates or your mother than this book , not even playing Tenchu ! Buy this book , yes it's funny , really really funny , but it's not true that training to be a ninja has to be hard work , the training is fun and sweet ! Don't be scared , it's because wimps like you who don't buy this book which makes us have such a ninja shortage today , which is why ninjas get paid so much . Remember , you can learn about , or even be a real ninja if you buy this book and , of course , can you think of a better way to get girls ? Shadow Warrior Sam
089 4 seriously , when i first went to bigmac's site , i thought it was just about ninjas , and it was pretty funny .
Well i popped a few boners at his website , and decided to get the book .
Thats when i realized its not just abt ninjas . its about doing what you want to do , and not conforming to societal norms and not being afraid to do things coz of what other people may think of u .
its about being a true friend to your other friends , not being a hypocrite , about taking good care of your kids , and basically , just being totally sweet .
after reading a little piece of pooped squeezed out my B * * * hole .
its awesome !
092 4 Seriously , I bought this book on Sunday morning and by the afternoon I was just starting to learn how to freak out and kill people . The book was getting me so pumped that I had to take a break from reading to go inside for refreshing glass of mint ice tea .
When I returned to my front porch , where I had been reading , my copy of Real Ultimate Power was gone . Those punk kids down the street had ganked it along with a big potted cilantro plant .
Using the basic Ninja skills that I had learned in the first 30 pages I quickly grabbed a machete and started down the street totally freaking out . When I got to the end of the block I found those punk kids but they were already toasted .
Reading that book for 5 minutes made them so pumped that they died . My cilantro plant was sitting there so I took it home and made tacos but my Real Ultimate Power was long gone . I think a dog must have picked it up or something .
095 4 Robert Hamburger is a pimp .
Go to his website and read his stuff , it's hilarious . . .
This book is a hilarious for something to read while you're on the can . . .
I now live my life by the ways of the ninja , flipping out , and being totally sweet , and what not . . .
I particularly enjoyed the sidenotes & Did you know features , like Did you know ? One time I saw this crap so big , it had it's own vein . . .
Dude , if you don't like stuff like that , you should totally have your eyes scratched out by an angry mongoose . . .
And this probably doesn't assist you in your purchase at all . . .
- Chris -
107 4 This review is from :
REAL Ultimate Power : The Official Ninja Book ( Paperback )
I just recently bought this book , but I've enjoyed reading these fratire-style jokes and ramblings on the internet since this book came out . It's pretty funny , but the subject matter of the book really requires that you get pumped up to fully enjoy it and appreciate it . I tried reading it casually and I actually felt kind of tired after a couple minutes . It's like trying to keep up with a hyperactive 4 - year-old , but cooler .
One thing to consider is that the jokes in this book have been quoted and requoted on the internet for the past few years . Even if you don't know it , you've probably read a quote ( direct or paraphrased ) , at some point , on a web forum or blog . You pretty much know the gist of it if you've read something about a ninja uppercutting a kid for opening a window .
It's not an expensive book , and it's kind of cool just to have next to the other fratire books like The Alphabet of Manliness . It's a good book to have on your coffee table or your bathroom library , but don't expect to be able to casually read it in bed each night .
108 4 I just recently bought this book , but I've enjoyed reading these fratire-style jokes and ramblings on the internet since this book came out . It's pretty funny , but the subject matter of the book really requires that you get pumped up to fully enjoy it and appreciate it . I tried reading it casually and I actually felt kind of tired after a couple minutes . It's like trying to keep up with a hyperactive 4 - year-old , but cooler .
One thing to consider is that the jokes in this book have been quoted and requoted on the internet for the past few years . Even if you don't know it , you've probably read a quote ( direct or paraphrased ) , at some point , on a web forum or blog . You pretty much know the gist of it if you've read something about a ninja uppercutting a kid for opening a window .
It's not an expensive book , and it's kind of cool just to have next to the other fratire books like The Alphabet of Manliness . It's a good book to have on your coffee table or your bathroom library , but don't expect to be able to casually read it in bed each night .
117 4 This review is from :
REAL Ultimate Power : The Official Ninja Book ( Paperback )
Unlike many other satire how to guides , this book offers more detail than expected . It is hilarious and clear that the offer but a great deal of time into writing it . It is a delight to spend hours going over the facts of Ninja life .
This is a perfect gift for any up and coming Ninja .
118 4 Unlike many other satire how to guides , this book offers more detail than expected . It is hilarious and clear that the offer but a great deal of time into writing it . It is a delight to spend hours going over the facts of Ninja life .
This is a perfect gift for any up and coming Ninja .
123 4 Normally , books suck , and don't get anyone pumped ( except pirates ) so I was sceptical about reading this . When I did , I flipped out so hard that my boner popped right through the book , and I had to buy about a million copies . Everyone else should as a precautionary measure , as the flip-out rating is very high . Don't buy this if you aren't ready to flip out and rock hard , like iron maiden , but with ninja stars .
Ps . It sucks how you can only rate this out of 5 stars , it deserves about 79 .
124 4 Expanding on the totally sweet humor from the website , the author takes Real Ultimate Power to a bold new level of satire by further delving into the mind of Robert Hamburger and his childhood fascination with ninjas . This adds a pretty interesting second layer to the superficial immature humor of laying a log and meaning it .
Perhaps the funniest part about this book is that I found it in the martial arts section of the used bookstore . But don't let the glossy black cover and picture of a ninja fool you , the only thing you will learn by reading this book is how to get dogs so pumped that you [ . . . ] your pants .
141 4 Okay . I agree with everyone else who gave 5 - star-ratings no matter your reason , but honestly I think the book is mainly supposed to be humorous - - not get you to focus on a demented childhood . This is probably my favorite book of all time because every single sentence is hilarious and unique in terms of comical content .
Ghosts / Aliens by Trey Hamburger ( Robert's Cousin ) is probably my 2nd favorite because it is friggin sweet or awesome .
142 4 This review is from :
REAL Ultimate Power : The Official Ninja Book ( Paperback )
This is a hillarious , freaking awesome book about totally flipping out and being super sweet . So , if that sounds anything like you , buy it .
Honestly this is one of the funniest books I have ever laid my hands upon . It is just so goofy you can't help but laugh . And the editors notes at the bottom of the page complete it .
If you dont have a sense of humor , well , 1 ) jump off a cliff and 2 ) dont buy this book . Anyone else , this is a must have in your collection .
143 4 This is a hillarious , freaking awesome book about totally flipping out and being super sweet . So , if that sounds anything like you , buy it .
Honestly this is one of the funniest books I have ever laid my hands upon . It is just so goofy you can't help but laugh . And the editors notes at the bottom of the page complete it .
If you dont have a sense of humor , well , 1 ) jump off a cliff and 2 ) dont buy this book . Anyone else , this is a must have in your collection .
147 4 it's kind of disappointing reading the one star reviews . people are whining about crude humor in a book with This book is AWESOME written on the front cover . there are a million things we could use to argue against these people , but if youre planning on disagreeing with me already theres no point in reading . some people wrote that it was written like a 7 year old kid wrote it . im glad that you figured out the main obvious blatent fact that has been thrown in your face since the front cover . and if that wasn't obvious , then i wouldn't recommend reading any novels with any sort of satirical or cynically sarcastic content wahtsoever . actaully , i apologize . those are probably a bunch of teenagers taht spend too much time reading japanese comic books and assume that becasue they watch cartoon network at midnight that they understand the intricaises of all asain culture and therefore allow themselves to defend it over a something that they cant seem to realize is a joke . i realize that this doesn't apply to most comments , i just thought i should defend what is supposed to be obvious . if you dont think that ninja babes are cool , then you probably are in denail or have a hormone dysfunction . anyone who didn't like this book , except for the reason of thinking hat the joke was tired , is just jealous of robert . also , as a fifteen year old living in a rural area i'm doomed to hear a bunch of soccor moms blaming violence on video games and books like this while they refuse to disipline their children . there are still a million more things i could argue , but for the sake of not making myself look like a stalker fanatic , ill just leave you with this : you take yourselves too seriously and you just dont understand because youre not awesome enough to be robert .
- the toaster
152 4 As a Solaris Systems Administrator I have applied the Ninjitsu REAL ultimate power to my daily routine . It's sweet ( and by that I mean beyond freaking cool ) because , after harnessing the ancient art of Shiryo Moto Ninjitsu ( as applied within bash shell scripting ) I have become proficient in totally freaking out and killing pirates remotely under secure shell sessions ( ssh ) . I have been unchallenged in this area and feared by the computing community in general . I have been brandishing huge boners and porking the hell out of end user BABES remotely throughout the world !
Master Hamburger has brought the art , science and magical skills back to the puny loaf-pitching masses of weak cry-baby ninjas and challenged them to regain the reigns of kicking ( . . . ) and freaking out hard all over again .
This book will change your life and change the way you think about hacking , cracking , phreaking and poking babes with huge boners .
THEY ARE NOT REAL ! Nice job on your research , dumba $ $ , you look like a complete fool . A simple giveaway would be clicking any of the links on the side of the MSN article . All the links are DEAD and wouldn't go ANYWHERE related to Microsoft even if they weren't . Try looking at the links , moron .
If there are actually kids out there hurting themselves and / or other people because of this , then HEY PARENTS , I have an IDEA : DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN ! I'm the father of a very active 5 year old boy . He's a pretty hyped up little soldier , but I'll be damned if he ever hurts someone . He'd be punished and that would be the end of that - and he KNOWS that so he keeps his cool most of the time . Kids are not in control , parents are . Somewhere along the way in this screwed up world parents lost sight of that . If your kids are out of control , it's your own damned fault , not Robert Hamburger's . Nice try using whoever you can as a scapegoat , though . Who said his site or book were for kids anyway ?
Anyway , I digress . The website rules , the book is HILARIOUS . If you have ANY sense of humour at ALL , pick it up ! All you people claiming this is a disgrace to Ninjitsu or whatever , just loosen up , for crying out loud . I respect your love of the arts , but this is just a funny little website / book that brings humour into our lives . Relax , have some fun . If you go to the website and find it's not your type of humour , then that's cool , but don't go around b * * ching about it to everyone else . Just go on your way and find something else that makes you laugh , ok ? Heaven forbid the rest of us should find some humour in a stupid little book about ninjas that flip out all the time .
Alright everyone , sorry for going on so long , but I had to show my support ! Get the book ! Have FUN ! ! ! = )
003 4 I don't typically bother with writing reviews , but there are so many utterly moronic people out there I can't believe it . To anybody out there who thought we should do research on the author of this book and remember 9 / 11 , please get a life . I remember 9 / 11 just fine , and that day really hurt and still does , but IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS BOOK , idiot . First of all , the articles on Robert's site ARE NOT REAL . I REPEAT : THEY ARE NOT REAL ! Nice job on your research , dumba $ $ , you look like a complete fool . A simple giveaway would be clicking any of the links on the side of the MSN article . All the links are DEAD and wouldn't go ANYWHERE related to Microsoft even if they weren't . Try looking at the links , moron .
If there are actually kids out there hurting themselves and / or other people because of this , then HEY PARENTS , I have an IDEA : DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN ! I'm the father of a very active 5 year old boy . He's a pretty hyped up little soldier , but I'll be damned if he ever hurts someone . He'd be punished and that would be the end of that - and he KNOWS that so he keeps his cool most of the time . Kids are not in control , parents are . Somewhere along the way in this screwed up world parents lost sight of that . If your kids are out of control , it's your own damned fault , not Robert Hamburger's . Nice try using whoever you can as a scapegoat , though . Who said his site or book were for kids anyway ?
Anyway , I digress . The website rules , the book is HILARIOUS . If you have ANY sense of humour at ALL , pick it up ! All you people claiming this is a disgrace to Ninjitsu or whatever , just loosen up , for crying out loud . I respect your love of the arts , but this is just a funny little website / book that brings humour into our lives . Relax , have some fun . If you go to the website and find it's not your type of humour , then that's cool , but don't go around b * * ching about it to everyone else . Just go on your way and find something else that makes you laugh , ok ? Heaven forbid the rest of us should find some humour in a stupid little book about ninjas that flip out all the time .
Alright everyone , sorry for going on so long , but I had to show my support ! Get the book ! Have FUN ! ! ! = )
018 4 If ever there was a humorous side to hyper-active , neglected and attention-deficient children , Robert Hamburger has found it ! From cover to cover , The REAL Ultimate Power is chock full of childish hilarity counter-pointed by a very poignant under-belly displaying a fictional child's attempt to cope with being different and neglected . Yes , it's still HILARIOUS ! Hamburger writes this essentially for Dummies spoof from the perspective of a learned 10 - year-old kid who's inability to deal with his reality ( parents he perceives as neglectful , friends who aren't his friends , etc . ) leads him to be overly passionate ( he calls it pumped ) about ninjas . I couldn't stop laughing ! Not only are 99.9% of Robert's views on ninjas completely off-base and unrealistic ( ah , childhood ! ) , most times they're crude , disgusting , absurd and hilarious . Did you know that the defining characteristic of a ninja is the ability to flip out and kill people without the slightest provocation ? Or that a BONER is the ninja's most prized weapon ? Or that ninjas can fly ? I , for one , was shocked to learn that Benjamin Franklin not only killed a man , but in the same night , laid in feigned passion with a sea turtle ! These are just a few of Robert's skewed ideas , and they only get worse ( or better if you're one to appreciate the humor ! )
As other reviewers have noted , I believe what really makes this book ' totally sweet ' and makes it totally riotous is Hamburger's mastery of the childish language and psyche . He writes just as a hyper-active 10 - year-old might speak : a mile a minute with no pause for breath . Hamburger puts ' ands ' were you or I might put a ' period . ' He occasionally reaches for the big words only to pull out something completely wrong ! Hamburger writes as a child who has escaped reality into this ideal fantasy about ninjas wherein the real world is reflected off of his fantasy : people whom he likes and behave as he would are considered totally sweet with ninja potential and anything / one he doesn't like is , as he puts it several times , BULLCRAP !
I don't know what muse possesses someone to write a book like this , but I'm glad it did ! When I picture Robert , I picture Calvin , and ninjas are his Hobbes . This is one of those books that if taken lightly can make you laugh HARD and you'll be recommending it to anyone with the slightest iota of a funnybone in them .
021 4 Robert Hamburger is an awesome author and his book had me TOTALLY PUMPED . It taught me everything I need to know about ninjas including how to fly , how to uppercut someone if they piss you off ( then friggin ' book ) , how to use bio-slime , and of course how to turn invisible and sprinkle pubes on them to make them TOTALLY embarrassed . I also found out how to tell if someone is a true ninja or just another idiot in black pajamas . . . which is bragable on my part .
I know some of you are probably going to say that this book is stupid or that I'm stupid for liking this book , but you are a stupid idiot if you think that . And if you ever came to my face with a posse of pirates and / or vikings and said that I was an idiot and that I wasn't a ninja , take it from Robert Hamburger and me , you'd be in for a huge surprise . . . . how about a huge hippo six foot boner uppercut ? ! ? !
After gaining my purple belt at the back of this book ( maybe next time I'll get the black belt and become SUPER pumped ) me and my buddies had a bunch of hot babes over to celebrate , there were guitars WAILING in the background the whole time we porked like thousands of babes . . . . and it's all thanks for Robert and his cool book ( and by cool I mean totally sweet ) . I now have the authority on the ninja topic and can recommend this book to anyone who is willing to get pumped and wants to become a true ninja . . . . . AND WOULDN'T EVEN THINK TWICE ABOUT IT ! ! !
041 4 Despite the fact that I was born Amish , I am now a full-fledged Ninja . It's a complex story , but I was abducted from my farm by Ninjas when I was an innocent Amish teen . They then trained me in the ways of the Ninja . My book about it , I WAS A TEENAGE AMISH NINJA , will be released next year .
Anyway , I want to tell you what I think of Robert Hamburger and his REAL ULTIMATE POWER book . I think Robert is brilliant ! He knows the truth about us Ninjas . Normally , I would have to hurt someone who knows all of our Ninja secrets , but I can't hurt Robert . He's too wonderful .
Besides his book being 100% accurate , it's also 100% hilarious . I'd add more % s for other things , but that would require me to do some math . ( I'm just not up to that right now . )
This book is fantastic . Read it ! You'll laugh a lot and learn a lot .
045 4 Holy Crap ! Mr . Hamburger's first book is an incredibly insightful look into the true life of REAL ninjas . Included in this ridiculously awesome book are factual facts about ninjas , their real true history , how to socialize with ninjas , and even how to train to be a ninja ! REALLY ! Is that too cool for you ? ( Probably . )
This book is the best birthday present ever ! I should know , since I got it for my birthday from the hottest babe on the planet . Ninjas hit on her all the time . But that just makes me feel proud that such a hot babe would get me such a totally sweet present !
I read this book so hard that my fingers bled !
PLUS ! Here's the bonus : Not only is Robert Hamburger SMART , but he's also super-funny . I was laughing so hard while I read this book in a tree at the park . This guy walked by and was like , Psh ! Why are you laughing so hard ? Is it because you're a freak ? Luckily , I'd just finished the chapter on invisibility , so I turned invisible and kicked the guy's lips . He cried so hard his eyes turned into raisins or dried apricots . I was laughing at his raisin-eyes and at the book way too hard , though . I think I ruptured my abdominal muscles . I can't even read the last four pages of the book until my laugh muscles heal up . Until then , I'll just practice my kicks and punches while I'm in bed .
It's a good thing i read this book , because i was a total IDIOT before . Now I truly understand REAL ULTIMATE POWER , and I think I might even have a little bit of it somwhere inside of my spleen or something ! Totally SWEET ! READ THIS BOOK ! ( OW ! I'm flipping out almost TOO hard ! )
047 4 Until I read book , I was pathetic oriental skinny kid with NO babes , NO wailing , NO hope of EVER getting pumped . After reading this book , I realized NINJA doesn't happen from take lessons ! NINJA not happen from practice ! NINJA happen from INSIDE YOU .
I bring ninja stars to school and go nuts . Hit girls in nuts .
Thank you Hamburger-san .
059 4 When my single parent neighbour found out I'd got this book she drove round to my house in her pirate boat and threatened to blow my house up with 76 cannon balls and parrots . I had gotten so PUMPED reading the cover of this book that the first boner I popped blew the tyres off of her pirate boat . I flipped out so much at this I popped 27 more boners . When I popped the last boner a huge guitar wailed and the parrots heads exploded . There were so many beaks and feathers in the air you could see it from Buckingham Palace . When the Queen of England saw my boners she begged me to pork her .
Being a ninja is so sweet .
079 4 This guy has created something magical .
I think I am MOST fascinated by this guy , his book , and his website www.realultimatepower.net because I can't tell whether the HATEMAIL he posts on his site are actual or faked .
Either way they are FREAKING HILARIOUS !
I just get a little disturbed at the thought that there MIGHT be people who would get VIOLENTLY offended at this book / website / transcendental idea . . .
Keep it up Burg , great stuff . . .
I will buy your book as soon as I receive my Ninja Belt of steel !
105 4 With REAL ULTIMATE POWER , Robert Hamburger has written a great mocking treatise on everything Ninja , using the topic to pick apart the freaky passions of the pre , or near , pubescent male in western society . Of course , this is assuming that Hamburger is indeed a pen name ; if not , an explanation using intentional fallacy must come into play . . . The epitome of satire is being named among those one satirizes , thus with the current moniker of Frat-Lit , it seems Hamburger has completed his mission . Will he rest among the great satirists such as Swift , Dryden , Twain , Orwell , or even Groening ? Perhaps not . Yet while Robert Hamburger may be young in years , he is no child , and there should be a regarded place for his work . And a great work it is . It is too easy to after-the-fact pick apart the banal aspects of REAL ULTIMATE POWER ; much harder to find the deeper meaning among the interstices .
Then again , I've not laughed out loud as much during a reading in many years . This may be a sign of a personal lack of taste , or perhaps even an indictment of low art . However , the astute reader will surely find the value hidden in this work .
110 4 I don't typically bother with writing reviews , but there are so many utterly moronic people out there I can't believe it . To anybody out there who thought we should do research on the author of this book and remember 9 / 11 , please get a life . I remember 9 / 11 just fine , and that day really hurt and still does , but IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS BOOK , idiot . First of all , the articles on Robert's site ARE NOT REAL . I REPEAT : THEY ARE NOT REAL ! Nice job on your research , dumba $ $ , you look like a complete fool . A simple giveaway would be clicking any of the links on the side of the MSN article . All the links are DEAD and wouldn't go ANYWHERE related to Microsoft even if they weren't . Try looking at the links , moron .
If there are actually kids out there hurting themselves and / or other people because of this , then HEY PARENTS , I have an IDEA : DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN ! I'm the father of a very active 5 year old boy . He's a pretty hyped up little soldier , but I'll be damned if he ever hurts someone . He'd be punished and that would be the end of that - and he KNOWS that so he keeps his cool most of the time . Kids are not in control , parents are . Somewhere along the way in this screwed up world parents lost sight of that . If your kids are out of control , it's your own damned fault , not Robert Hamburger's . Nice try using whoever you can as a scapegoat , though . Who said his site or book were for kids anyway ?
Anyway , I digress . The website rules , the book is HILARIOUS . If you have ANY sense of humour at ALL , pick it up ! All you people claiming this is a disgrace to Ninjitsu or whatever , just loosen up , for crying out loud . I respect your love of the arts , but this is just a funny little website / book that brings humour into our lives . Relax , have some fun . If you go to the website and find it's not your type of humour , then that's cool , but don't go around b * * ching about it to everyone else . Just go on your way and find something else that makes you laugh , ok ? Heaven forbid the rest of us should find some humour in a stupid little book about ninjas that flip out all the time .
Alright everyone , sorry for going on so long , but I had to show my support ! Get the book ! Have FUN ! ! ! = )
111 4 This book had my PUMPED UP all the time . In fact I got so pumped reading this book that I had to go chill out and get a baby carrot out of the freezer . I can't believe all the great stuff I learned from this book . I learned how to fly , how to turn invisible , how to battle Vikings , Pirates , Moms , and sometimes baby sitters . If a viking ever tries to mess with me again , take it from me and Robert Hamburger . . . he would get a huge surprise , how about a six foot boner uppercut ? ! ?
Oh man , and if a Pirate came onto land and tried to take away one of my many hot babes using his stupid lasers . . . . I'd probably scratch his eyes out or shoot some bio-slime at his crotch . Then I'd haul out my guitar and WAIL . . . HARD while I porked some totally hot babes .
This book is only for those who are willing to get totally pumped , so if you are a stupid idiot you should not buy this book . It also helps if you've gone through puberty . . . it's not required but it is bragable . I would recommend this book to all my friends who are as cool as ninjas and who want to pop like a million boners . . . . AND WOULDN'T EVEN THINK TWICE ABOUT IT !
126 4 Every few years there comes a book so strange and so different from anything that has ever existed that we can only assume the author is an alien . Robert Hamburger is an alien . A very bad ass alien .
REAL Ultimate Power is a guide to life , a cry to rebel against everything mundane , and the single most hilarious statement in the English language in the last quarter century .
Some people won't get it . Some people will . And for those who do get it will have their hearts exploding with uncontrollable laughter . I recommend this book to anyone who ever wanted to be a ninja or has some spark or enthusiam left in their life .
My only problem would have to be that writing was too intense and so unrelenting that I had to get up and get a glass of water several times . It is the single best concentrated experiment in the expansive world of unlimited imagination . Hamburger has created a modern mythology full of outrageous characters and plenty of ninjas kicking the crap out of pirates . The book does contain scripts from the website and A WHOLE LOT MORE . So , for those of you who are willing to get pumped , I mean REALLY REALLY PUMPED , this book will put you in that dark place and when you get to the other side , you'll be different . You were warned .
128 4 I don't know what that previous guy was mad about . Probably screams at math problems when he can't understand them . First , if you sincerely think that Robert Hamburger is pre-pubescent kid , then you probably won't understand the site is really trying to say . That guy is exactly the type of people Hamburger is making fun of . That kid is so stupid . He doesn't know anything about ninjas .
As for the book , I'll let Robert Hamburger speak for himself -
Ninja Babe
Scene 1 :
There is this super rich stupid idiot who lives in a humongous house . At his house , this guy has babes lying all over the place . The next scene is hot . The guy takes this super hot babe back to his room to make-out . The audience will think that the hot babe is a normal babe , but , yeah right , she's a ninja . The ninja woman smashes the guy's head like a melon . Then all these dogs come out of nowhere and the ninja woman has to beat the dogs ' asses . First she kicks this one dog right in the nuts . The dog screams and jumps out the window . Then she jumps in the air and kicks two dogs in the nuts at once ! Both dogs evaporate . Every time the ninja woman kicks nuts , a guitar squeals hard . Then the ninja woman has to battle the boss dog . The boss dog is huge . Before the boss dog can attack , she uppercuts the boss dog's nuts so hard that the boss explodes . Then the guitar squeals REALLY hard and explodes .
End
If that doesn't make you laugh , then there's something fundamentally wrong with the core of your being . Or you're a moron .
137 4 Sure , you could complain about this book's spelling and grammar and not give it credit for the awesomeosity that oozes from its pores . I dub thee : Fuffyfuddy of Lamealonia . Alas , you would be missing out . Take it for what it is ; a prime specimin of majesty , a gift of the gods . This book is the only book I've shed tears from laughing while reading . I work at a bookstore , and i glanced at it on the return rack . I said to myself oh HELLYEA and bought it right away . Only to be continually amazed . This book is COMPLETELY and WONDERFULLY rediculous .
148 4 Robert Hamburger is a genius . His writing style is amazing even to the most cunning of linguists and they are baffled enough to even call him a liar . If you are a stupid idiot and don't understand what Real Ultimate Power really is , than you might as well get your head CUT off by a TOTALLY SWEET NINJA ! ! !
Thank You Robert ,
Tanner Robinson
155 4 Book has what the website does but is MOSTLY NEW MATERIAL .
Every inch is excellent . Buy it for everyone you know . This is TRUE ninja stuff .
